fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
