so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize