New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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