I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
