it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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