You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
