I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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