Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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