so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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