Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it because I queefed?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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