You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
