This is not my ceiling
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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