Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
