Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
