Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
