U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
