p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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