I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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