I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize