Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
