so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
