I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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