Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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