We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
