I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
