Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
