It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
