none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize