just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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