I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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