First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
