dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
