"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
