she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
