Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
