haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
