Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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