is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
