She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
