yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
