so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
