I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
