Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
