Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
