My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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