Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
