So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
