Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
