Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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