Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
