bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
