imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
