Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
