I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
