i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
