It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize