he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
