True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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