Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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