drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
