i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
