God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
