if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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