I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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