I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
