Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
