There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
