If that was your dad, he is hot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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