I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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