Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
false alarm. still invincible.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
