Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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