my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
