Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
