They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
