The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i will never coherently bang her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Randomize
