So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Green mimosas i think yes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize