sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I smell stomach acid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
