a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
