the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize