Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just forgot I was standing up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
