so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
