Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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