Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I party with great urgency now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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