I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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