Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
