I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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