lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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