i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize