If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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