no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
