so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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