You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize