just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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