Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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