it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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