Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
