bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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